August 25, 2009

I have been avoiding rehashing my blog because I was so distraught I lost two thirds of the last one while trying to be fancy and doing paragraphs in color. Right now I am doing this in WORD so I can retrieve it if I lose this one.

Bill Henderson was a wonderful guest, all week his partner Walter, studied in the cottage for a statistics test (got an “A”) and received an “A” for the class. He did show up for meals, and took only one day for a drive out to the Point. After Walter left, Bill and I had a great time visiting towns he needed for information for his new book. Marshall, and North rides were great; we ate lunch at the Marshall Store and stopped for Daiquiris at Nick’s Cove on the way home having made a Northern circle including Tomales. He was looking for a house that bordered a forest, and found enough of a forest up North and the perfect house South in Bolinas. He is a serious researcher for all his material, including history and flora and fauna. I am always flattered he wants to spend time with me.

Chemo was not what I expected. The nurses kept taking my blood pressure and changing the bags of medicine and it took four hours. Three days later I had a very bad sore throat (thinking I had gotten it from visitors) and then my whole mouth and lips were covered with lesions. It really hurt and it was a Saturday, on Monday Eileen Gleber gave me liquid Nystatin to swish and swallow and Shoshanna (pharmacist) gave me a great concoction of lidocaine with Maalox and more. They were both very helpful. The only thing that kept me from collapsing in tears and hiding under the covers was my grandchildren visiting. Mary, 7, is one of the sweetest persons I have met. She plays beautifully with her 3-year-old brother and they both entertain themselves all the time. They explored the property and loved feeding the chickens and checking for eggs. I let them cut flowers for arrangements, showed them the zip line (they passed on it), said grace, and what was a good thing about the day and what was a difficult thing. We went around the table and it is a good way to hear what is going on in their heads and hearts and ours too.

Our big event was going to the Miniature, Trains, Toys and More store to buy more lights for my dollhouse (turn of the 20th century just when electricity was introduced). Mary has given me an incentive to work on it. It is lacking complete siding and the windows need to be painted. I have chosen a very complicated color scheme for the windows so each one takes over an hour. The store is Novato and has trains, toys, dollhouses, Lego, any thing toy-related. I figure their inventory list is over one million.

My mouth is almost healed and I get my next chemo treatment on September 1. I have gotten advice on how to control the sores this next time. Chemo kills all fast reproducing cells, hair, skin, and also for those with Sjogren’s, the lining of the mouth, throat and alimentary canal. You would think I would have lost ten pounds, but I didn’t since I am not exercising. A few days I walk Bubba but I mostly sit in my chair and look at the bird feeders. I am not even reading and I have piles of books. A lot of books I don’t remember who gave me so I can’t write a thank you note. I feel really awful about myself right now. I had a siege of my Sjogren’s for three days and just slept most of the time. It is not depression, it is honest fatigue.

Friends continue to send cards and send healing thoughts and e-mails. I have received prayers bought from the Marianites and from a group at Lourdes. Bubba is by my side no matter where I go though it is getting more and more difficult for him to go up and down the stairs. He doesn’t sit much and when he lies down, he just sort of folds up and falls on the floor on his bed or wherever.

I have found our house and garden very healing and a wonderful place to recuperate. I had all the rugs picked up to be cleaned and the bare floors look very fresh. As I did last year before my back surgery, I planted a lot of flowers in my cutting garden, so I am able to use them freely in the house and that gives me a lot of pleasure.

I have no idea if the three surgeries, the chemo and the pills will cure my cancer, I will always be wary. I received a notice I was due for my yearly mammogram in October, my last one was October 26, 2008. I plan to tell them that they missed a seven-centimeter tumor during my last mammogram and I have no boobs to be mammogrmaed or whatever the verb is. I also noticed my mammogram was read at 1:30 a.m. so the radiologist must have been very sleepy or sloppy, though I am told lobular cancers are had to spot, however this one was very large.

We have been contributing fruit to the Food Bank (pears right now) and will continue with apples when they are ready. If you have any extra food or fruit, they will pick it up. I forget the person’s name but just e-mail Rigdon, rigdon@horizoncable.com, or me and we will put you in touch. They apparently give away a lot of food to needy persons in our area.

I will write in my blog again after the next chemo and try to keep up with it. I am glad so many people enjoy reading it, seems like drivel to me sometimes.