wish I were more upbeat

I wish I were upbeat, but I am very tired most of the time. I spent all day Tuesday in bed, covers up to my forehead, no music, no radio. I did hear a lot of stories in my head, they must have been things I have heard over the years. It was quite a strange day. I really haven't allowed myself to get depressed about all the procedures and what my future (prognosis in medical terms) will be. Sometimes I imagine little cancer cooties invading my body, I have been getting a strange rash, however it looks more like poison oak than anything else. I have not been near any greenery, so the rash remains a mystery as it pops up on my cheek, forehead, pinky and thigh. 

Yesterday, Wednesday, was another trip to Stanford for a few more cc's in the right bladder/type insertion which is  in each breast to stretch any skin left over from the rape and pillage of the surgery to create a little boob. Right now they are boobettes, are very sore from the stretching technique and as I continue this procedure, I may just go for an "A" cup size and be done with it. For those of you who don't know me very well, my breasts were "DD" before. I do not want to return to my previous size.  The new chest is so different and should encourage me to get out of those huge shirts (which I thought hid the huge breasts) and into little camisoles with sheer shirts on top.

Bubba and Rigdon are carrying on, the chickens are laying a lot of eggs and Rigdon just arrived with huge containers of freshly picked raspberries. There will be no lack of jam this year. My new breakfast shake is yogurt, fresh egg, fruit (tomorrow will be raspberries), flax seed powder, one half banana, ice cubes and manuka honey. It takes me a half hour to drink the concoction and I really enjoy it.  Christopher and Meg gave me the uncomplicated stick mixer for soups and shakes and it is expanding my breakfast menu creativity. 

My cousins from Florida arrived for lunch today (Perry's specials and deviled eggs by Rigdon); it was wonderful to see them after many years. They are here for a wedding in Napa, the bride is an Astronaut candidate. We spent a lot of time together at Beaver Dam lake in the summer and in Florida for a few weeks in the winter time. Marie and Jo Ann look the same to me but they didn't say that to me. I look tired and droopy and need to get the stomach to stick out less than the boobettes. My best friend is my bed and 11 pillows.