Friday, May 22

Except for my family and Bubba, my bed has become my new best friend. I have figured out a way to get comfortable and sleep away the hours. I am hoping one day I will wake up and all the pain and discomfort will be gone. The very worst part is the pain under and around my arm pits (nice word, "pit"). Dr. Gleber came over last night to suggest some ways to relieve the pain. There is swelling around the area where the tubes are inserted at my armpits. They are sewn in with a few stitches, the drainage goes down the tubes into little bottles/receptacles that need to be emptied and the discharged liquid (blood and lymphatic material) measured at least twice daily. Eileen suggested I massage around the area to reduce the edema (hence pain) and strip (work down the tube with pressure) more frequently to empty it out and make sure there is a vacuum in the bottle to encourage the draining.

My initial take on double mastectomies is the procedure hasn't progressed much from the Middle Ages. I recall hearing about  "Nabby" Abigail Adams, John Adams daughter, who had breast cancer and died in 1813, her treatment included a mastectomy to no avail. If a body part is infected, then cut it off, blood letting will help rid the body of the poisons or toxins. Procedures now are done more precisely and anesthesia certainly helps with the pain of chopping off the offending body part, however the medical field hasn't really progressed very far in the realm of breast cancer. A lot of money is spent analyzing what type of cancer it is and how to kill the remaining cells that my be roaming around the body after surgery. However, there is no vaccine to prevent cancer, no blood test that is simple and reliable to predict cancer. Except for genetic testing to predict a type of cancer (BRCA1 or BRCA2), there are no non-mutilating methods to deal with it.

I say this as I sit in my chair looking down at a flat chest with two tubes exiting my armpits emitting fluids, feeling dependent, feeling pain, and anxiously anticipating being pain free. Of course, then there is the next process of chemotherapy (poisons to kill the CANCER), then comes radiation which brings images of mushroom clouds blanketing the atmosphere as it is targeted to my chest using a blue tattoo to locate where the radiation will go, to exactly the correct spot. It is mind-numbing.

I am very fortunate to have my family around me as this is happening. Three years ago I had a back laminectomy, last year I had two rods and eight screws put in my back, and this year I am experiencing breast cancer. My family has kept me sane, Prudence's pre-surgical visit, Alexis (stayed in my hospital room) woke up every time I stirred to make sure I was all right and got whatever I needed, and now Christopher, here at home managing my care with Rigdon. How do people do it who have no support system? I am overwhelmed with offers of assistance, flowers, and cards. I wish I could share all this with someone who has this condition but no support.

Dr. Gleber has made it very clear I am not to have callers for awhile. As long as I have the tubes and open wounds on my chest, I am vulnerable to every new germ and may not have visitors. Those who may visit are the goldfinches, chipmunks, hummers, and purple finches.

I was able to SKYPE (talk to and see my grandchildren on the computer) last night using my laptop. Mary had gone swimming yesterday and made a great drawing of two girls lying flat in the water with goggles on, one had a two piece suit on and the other a one piece. Then she drew a merman (having tired of her usual mermaids) while we were talking. SKYPE is the next best thing to being with them. One afternoon last Fall, Mary and I were on SKYPE for about an hour, just the two of us while her parents and brother were outside. She read to me, retrieved a toy she wanted me to see, and played the piano. I suggested I could babysit for her using SKYPE from California. That is a good commercial for SKYPE.

Signing off for now. Fondly trish